suzyqblog

My mantra for much of my life, today is no exception.  It didn’t start out that way so much, I’ve been getting a lot of paperwork done that needs doing today, so thats a good thing.

But its the people who intrude…like my mom, my brother, a needy friend, they all want and I’m not giving.  Leave me alone.  They eventually do, but they each have their own agendas.  I don’t pester people.  Do I?  I’m willing to look at that.

I feel agitated.  Angry.  I cried before because I wanted my grandma, who was the matriarch and who could smooth things out.

Now I’m left with a big bad step sister as a mother.  Icing on the outside, rotten hideous venom on the inside.  Hate it.  Wish it was different.

Want to manifest a different family and group of close friends who are more respectful.

The group around me is Ok…but the group right beyond it is more to my liking.  Who makes me feel nurtured:

My boyfriend, mas, lilly, bothy, goodness, need to create some more supports.  The others, they need me more than I them.

What do I want:

Rich, rewarding friendships and an intimate relationship where I feel supported–financially, emotionally and don’t have to dodge people’s needs and barbs.  I am invited to parties, social functions, operas, classical concerts, plays, travel and honored for my lightheartedness, genuine companionship and soberness.

More sober friends.

I don’t have to take care of people any longer to have value in my life.  I release them.  Feed off someone else.

Here ya go hungry ghosts, go chase your own demons.  I walk away and do my own thing, thank you very much.

I prepare for my audition.  I enjoy my life.  I go travel where I want to.